We often think of beauty as something handed to us. Something we either have or we don’t. Something someone else decides for us. But what if beauty is something we have the power to design and choose? Not in a superficial sense, but in the way we decide to define and experience it for ourselves.
Beauty Starts With What We Choose to Experience
When I was building Riotess, I felt like the universe was in on it. Strange, serendipitous moments just kept lining up too perfectly well with what I was creating. The universe seemed to have my back (as Gabby Bernstein would say). Everywhere I turned, something mirrored the very essence of what Riotess stood for.
This morning, for example, I opened the mail to find an issue of Architect’s Newspaper (totally unrelated to anything I was working on) but the headline read: “A Place Where the Soul Can Rest.” The first line was a quote from bell hooks’ Belonging: A Culture of Place talking about being seen and living a life without shame. That stopped me in my tracks. Sure, it was in the context of architecture and design but the message couldn’t have been clearer.
Living without shame is the heartbeat of Riotess. It also wasn’t lost on me that the message came from bell hooks (Gloria Jean Watkins) – a feminist legend, an icon and an absolute powerhouse.
Moments like this just kept happening. Tiny nudges from the universe that whispered, "You’re on the right path." I felt seen. Held. Backed by something bigger than me.
And then it hit me. Was this just coincidence? Or was I somehow creating it? Was I the one engineering my own serendipity? Was I choosing what I noticed, what I absorbed, what I allowed to matter? Was I tuning my vision to only let in what resonated?
Was I choosing what I see?
It reminded me of something from Mel Robbins’ The High 5 Habit. She challenges readers to look for heart shapes throughout their day: hidden in nature, tucked into shadows, carved into sidewalks, printed on bumper stickers. The lesson? You start seeing them everywhere. Not because they suddenly appeared, but because you finally started looking for them. Her point was simple but profound: we choose what we see. Out of the chaos of a trillion sensory inputs, our minds curate our reality.
And if that’s true…if we get to decide what we see…then we can decide how we feel. We can train our lens.
There’s a well-known teaching attributed to the Buddha:
What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.
Across cultures and generations, this idea shows up in different forms but the root is the same: our inner world shapes our outer experience. If we flood our thoughts with judgment, we manifest shame. If we imagine possibility, we start to live it. If we allow softness, we begin to embody it.
So what happens when we apply this to how we see ourselves? Our bodies? Our aging faces, our changing lives? Maybe we don’t need a cosmic coincidence to feel empowered. Maybe we can curate our own meaningful moments by filtering in reminders of our worth, our wisdom, our expansion.
That’s the secret of beauty by design. It’s not about symmetry, smoothness, or youth. It’s about sovereignty. About consciously shaping what you allow to be beautiful in yourself and your life. You have the power to choose how you see yourself and once you take control of that choice, the world will start to reflect beauty back to you in ways you never dreamed of.
We can design the magic we need in our lives to change our perspective. Not by waiting for a sign, but by choosing what we see.
Your Turn - See the Magic
So today, I challenge you to do something simple:
Start paying attention to what you let in. Notice the ads you scroll past. The accounts you follow. The way you talk to yourself in the mirror. Catch the moments when you’re being hard on yourself or comparing.
Then ask—is this how I want to see myself?
If not, shift it. Even just a little.
Choose a kinder lens. A stronger one. One that sees beauty in the lines, power in the mess, and possibility in the mirror.
And look—I get that this isn’t easy. We’ve spent years absorbing messages about how we’re supposed to look, how we’re supposed to age.
Changing that lens takes effort. So if it helps, pretend you’re talking to a friend. You wouldn’t tear her down or point out everything “wrong” with her face. You’d remind her she’s strong, radiant, one of a kind.
Start talking to yourself that way, too. Gently. Honestly. Like someone worth rooting for…because you are.
You don’t need a full mindset overhaul. Just one conscious decision at a time. That’s how perspective changes. That’s how we start seeing something new.
And once you start seeing differently, everything changes.
Let’s Riot.